booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
