Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
