I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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