They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
