Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
bring money and cleavage
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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