Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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