Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize