Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
