Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
