all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
