I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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