You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize