It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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