so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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