I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
