There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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