ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
