Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
