Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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