i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
