dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
