i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
