Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
