her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
