Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
