How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
