I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
