I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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