he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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