There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
