Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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