Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
3pm strippers are depressing
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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