My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
