Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Acid is not a monday night drug
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
there is glitter all over my balls
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
