so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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