is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
