Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
