So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
