Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
