I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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