I think my fart just growled at me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
