Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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