Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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