You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
