we're blogging at a bar
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
