which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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