first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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