This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
