I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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