I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I looked at my own cervix.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
