obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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