I'm gonna have a badass scar
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
