i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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