i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have aggressive nipples.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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