I wannas sexs uuuuu
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
