I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
