tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
