How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
