mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
