if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
