I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
