don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
