lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ugly people sure do ruin things
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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