You made me cry and you don't even care
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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