Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
