Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
