I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
