guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
