i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
