no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
