If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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