Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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