I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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