I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize