when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize