I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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