my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
