I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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