I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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