I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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