But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
