Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
